There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I need to wash the frat house off of me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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