the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We have started to decorate penises.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
