Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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