you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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