i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
