I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize