I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He literally asked permission to hit on me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
