New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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