its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
