I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
