yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
