youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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