You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
