sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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