The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
