Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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