why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
