The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
