alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
