Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
