Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
