I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
