I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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