according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
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Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You ate ashes out of my bong
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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