Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
