College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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