Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
