Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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