He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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