My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
