I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
