Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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