Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
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I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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