I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
