I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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