need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
