If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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