I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
