At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
