ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
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