There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Randomize
