and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
