Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
