Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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