He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
