I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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