if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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