i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i believe in u and ur pee
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
