im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
