i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
