After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
