Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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