i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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