pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
