I'm so fucking centered right now
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
