someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize