In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
