I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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