also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
