What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
