Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
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