Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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