I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So here I am, sexting at work.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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