you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just had sex on a roof
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
