ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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