You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
