WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
