C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I want to have your abortion
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
