remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
