My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
