I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm both gender and math confused
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