On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
