o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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