Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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