I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
