Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
