when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
