Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
