I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable