Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
