Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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