And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
